So even though this may be an entirely inappropriate excuse for feeling better, last night I had a fantastic and slightly intoxicated night where I met people, listened to music and felt sought after.
Yesterday began as most Wednesday's do, a dull day at work. Unfortunately I had to cancel my psychologist without rescheduling (for 2 reasons, I can hardly afford to feed myself, let alone talk to someone for an hour at a premium fee and hope I feel better for it and 2 I had a thousand and 1 better things to be doing), during my dull 5 hour shift I had several moments of emotional weakness and that "triggered" feeling that comes along with depression, then had to put up with my friend turned workmate try to bitch to me about how her life is shitty for whatever reason, even after the first things I had said to her were "I feel like shit and do not want to be taking other people's shit onboard".
The plan for after work was to buy a friend a birthday gift, head home, get ready for my cheap eat at one of my fave pubs with a few people and then go and watch a few friends/acquaintances perform their music practical exams. It took a lot of effort to muster up my courage after feeling so low and downbeat all day to then turn around and get all "pretty" in order to leave the comfort of my own home in order to be around people that may/may not even like me (telling it the way my mental illness tells it to me, perhaps not accurately conveying real life events).
Thankfully I did because the night was amazing. Ended up eating with an old friend and his roommate when I had expected to be having dinner with 2 people that didn't bother- not fussed, ended up better for it! Had *roughly* 3-4 standard drinks (vodka) over dinner and then left to watch the "show".
The alcohol was just enough to numb my anxiety of going to a social event without having a person to come with me, and I strutted my stuff into that club like I owned it! Thankfully I did, because a friend ran right up to me with a hug. We then met up with some other friends/acquaintances and watched a band perform their set.
While I was waiting for my friend to get to the venue I somehow ended up chatting with people that I still consider complete strangers that could very well have been gay (not that there's anything wrong with that) where the topic of conversation circulated pretty perfectly around me. I don't even care if they were fucking with me, it was great.
As the night continues I continue to find myself with people wanting to get to know me and listening to everything I say. Some of the people there already *kind of* knew me or had seen me.
So after having worked so hard on making myself look hot as FUCK, getting noticed the whole way from my house to the valley (nightlife area), having a great dinner where much of the same continued and watching some fantastic musicians and maintaining and perhaps elevating my level of attention, only to leave on my own, perfectly happy with my own company, but taking with me a totally boosted ego, I feel fantastic.
The ONLY minor problem would be that I fear my alcohol tolerance is way too high. In a matter of an hour or so I had downed around 6-7, +/- 1 standard drinks and still held my own enough to speak in depth with people, remember everything and get myself home safely. I wasn't drunk in any stretch of the imagination.
And furthermore, I had absolutely no hang over in the morning or all today.
However, having a good night and no hang over, I really shouldn't complain.
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