Friday, August 11, 2017

Unintentional Insults

I've lost a lot of weight lately from not having an appetite.
It started with my breakup and antidepressant withdrawals.
Now I've just adjusted and don't need to eat as often or as much.
Since I've lost weight, here have been some of the comments from those around me.
Mum: You look so skinny! (Compliment)
Female Friend: You're tiny (Jealous compliment)
Male Friend: You look gaunt (Insult?)
Male PT: Your ass is coming back! A girl's best feature is their ass (Sexist compliment)
Ex: Your ass might even be better now. (Compliment)

Every time I put an outfit on I have to reconsider and change, because it's now baggy and looks scruffy.
Every time someone mentions needing food or being hungry I have no response because I can't relate.
Every time I notice hunger pains it's a struggle to decide what I want to eat. Do I want to eat? Am I hungry? It's such a foreign feeling now I honestly can't even tell.
Every time I go to the kitchen I try and eat even just some nuts, but without the saliva production from appetite or hunger nothing is palatable.

I don't know why this seems so pressing to me. I have no idea whether I'm right in saying that if I'm not hungry I don't need to be eating. I don't know why I'm stressing about it or even if I'm stressing about it.
And even if I am, I don't know if I can change it.
Maybe I am just less hungry than before. Maybe I was overeating from my medication. There is every possibility in the world that my body will be entirely okay with the amount of calories I'm consuming.
I'm not dizzy, I'm not hungry, I'm not weak. My concentration is a little fuzzy but that's because of stress and emotions.
Why do the "compliments" bother me so much? Why does society seem to put so much pressure on a woman's weight? Does it? Society is a social construct, and the people in my life seem to care about my weight so I guess it does.

There's really nothing to close this with.

3 comments:

  1. OMG, that hit me so hard, I know where you're coming from an to me it seems messed up. girl you have to understand something though, when people call you skinny, sometimes they might not care that your body is skinny, or your weight is under the average or what ever, but in fact that you're not healthy, an maybe they worry about your health, because being healthy is totally different to being skinny or fat, or maybe they are judgemental pricks an deserve to die ;) kidding hahahaha. I'm short an, well I was kinda skinny ish last time I weighed myself I was 45kg, an I was working on a farm in the middle of no where (which started my depression and hate for people) I worked there for like 3 years with toxic people,pretty much got called a"stupid Cunt" like everyday, everything i did was wrong even when I did it right.I couldn't handle it so I moved back home an I had no motivation, I loved the paradise of being free of work an, being alone. I would just play games, smoke pot an eat, an eat heaps,Food makes me happy, I gained a bit of weight, which I believed was not possible cause I used to eat an eat an not put on any haha, now sometimes I just can't eat, there have been heaps of times I have given my best friend food cause suddenly I'm not hungry an its fucked. i guess she can't complain, free food right hahaha :P an that only happens to me sometimes, if thats you all the time, I feel really sorry for you, its not a good thing to have an I hope you are okay.

    remember this for me.

    Life isn't shit, life is beautiful, its just toxic people in this life that makes it shit.

    who cares what clothes you wear, thats you, go crazy girl!

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  2. Ahhhh thank you so much! I'm just trusting my body in that if I need to eat, I'll get hungry. Thank you <3

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  3. You're welcome, haha always trust your body, an your instincts, like if something feels bad/wrong or you shouldn't do it,always trust yourself over someone else, you know what your body can handle an what you can/ can't do or want/ don't want :P

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