It's been at least 10 years since my dad was formally diagnosed with ADHD in his adulthood and we all saw an incredible improvement in his functioning and overall wellbeing as a result of medication. It wasn't, however, immediately obvious to any others in the family that perhaps this could be a reason to all review our behaviours and experiences.
It's also been several years from my Developmental Psychology course, where I was assessed on my knowledge of teratogens, such as tobacco smoking; linked with ADHD in the child. Again, no sudden revelation of all the instances of my mother swearing black and blue that the stress of cessation is more harmful to the unborn child than the benefit of not smoking during pregnancy, including hers with me, being a potential red flag.
I cannot impress upon you the amount of times I have felt wildly productive for having started multiple projects only to immediately abandon them for some newer, shinier project that has caught my attention. Even something as simple as having breakfast, by the time I've eaten the food I've forgotten to complete the task by cleaning up after myself because "Oh wait, did I clean my ears?".
Friends have verbalised that they can tell I have "a lot of open boxes in my warehouse." Within weeks they could recognise the rapid beginning and immediate abandonment of thoughts and tasks that plagues my existence.
Hell, even this blog, my 3 YouTube channels, my Twitch channel and any social media platform I've ever created. It's all or nothing because I get the urge, I tornado into it for a while and as quickly as it began the flavour is gone from the cheap gum of my dopamine production.
It wasn't until these last 2 years where I've had multiple friends, with whom I share several common experiences, who've taken the plunge bravely and come back as having ADHD that I've committed to doing it myself.
While I'm yet to have my assessment done, I can't help but look back at the years Little Kate struggled, being told she was "disruptive" in class for talking to other students, where term after term the parent teacher interview would involve an average report card and the summary that "Kate would do better if she actually applied herself", and feel a deep weight of very sincere remorse for her.
For the 2 years I spent at university studying a degree I would not complete and coasting through on the same approach, only to discover that for me to actually take in information I needed to study something I was interested in and apply a radical approach to note taking and study that involved filling multiple notebooks with slides written word for word and spending lectures alone in the second-to-front row, right in the middle.
Hell, I even have to read aloud just to make sure I remember where I'm at and don't get lost and just start drifting off into the exploratory abyss of my mind.
I do everything at high velocity, nearly barrelling over strangers in the street too dumbfounded to move out of my way in time. I fidget so aggressively my water bottle is covered in dents from where I've thrown it and not caught it properly. I forget what I was going to do with my phone by the time I lift it to my face. I could spend an entire day walking over the bridge from South Bank to the city and back just because I forgot something I was meant to or wanting to do in one spot and remembering when I'm in the other. I lose everything, including time. (Seriously, can anyone please explain how time works?)
Again, I know this is the first stages. I have confirmation that my experience aligns with that of diagnosed ADHD adults in my family and friend group. My doctor has validated my concerns and suggested I have verbalised the experience of many diagnosed ADHD patients of hers. The referral has been read and accepted by the psychiatrist and the appointment is made.
But here I am, still burning to know what happens next. What could happen if Kate applied herself? What might happen if Kate can track when assignments are due without thinking she has months and doing them all the night before? How many meltdowns could Kate avoid if she could plan, forward think, and execute plans sequentially? If this is Kate working with a handicap, then... What is Kate actually capable of?
Or, am I just a dirty neurotypical with internet addiction brain rot?
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