Wednesday, April 28, 2010

An understanding

Right now I am royally confused, yet I have my heart set on one thing.

I know that being in my last year of school I have to concentrate on my school work and get it done well.
And I know that in order to do that I have to look after myself.
It's commonly understood that without food the brain doesn't function well.


But this fact gets ignored when you don't want to eat.
I know it, it's a fact, I understand how my brain would be laggy and tired and not want to work when I'm not giving it anything. But I simply can't bring myself to eat.

I have come up with all sorts of stupid thoughts to justify not eating, i.e. I don't feel stupid etc.

I also have this stupid thought that because I don't feel hungry my body doesn't need it. I know I am hungry but I don't want to be so my brain is hiding my hunger pains from me. I also know I trick my brain by saying "I feel sick" when I get unquestionable hunger pains.

I understand exactly what is going on, but I just can't help it.

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