Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Abusive Relationships - My Experience and a Warning for You

  You may already know that I uploaded a video about a relationship I got out of. Yes, I suffered some pretty severe stress because of some traumatic and abusive events that occurred during the year me and my boyfriend lived together. 

  I'm not going to lie, there is no point in that. We had a seriously chaotic relationship in every sense of the word. My family paid for a lot of our expenses and his family had very little input or past disciplinary actions on his upbringing (from what I know). What I can be certain of is that they never stopped him from doing things they knew he was doing while we were living together and they tried very little to teach him that it was wrong to do them.

  We were both stuck in F.O.G - fear, obligation and guilt. We were fearful of what would happen if we did separate, felt therefore obliged to stay together and guilty for not being able to help the other one, constantly putting ourselves second to the relationship. We really did believe that we were meant to be together "forever". 

  I was not the best to live with; I will admit, I'm lazy and did very little around the house. He was hardly around with work and "business" dealings where he would sell cheap products for more than they're worth to his "friends". He admitted to me he only got friendly with people if he saw a use for them, that all his friendships were based on personal gain and he didn't understand why I hung out with my friends. 

  We had both cheated on each other. I was straight up with how my dishonesty happened when I did open up, however he continued to lie about what happened, so I will never know how many times he cheated on me and to what extent.

  He would also lie about things he did to twist me into staying with him. He called me fat, ugly, stupid and told me I would get nowhere in the "real world". That I needed him or else I'd be living in a gutter.

  He threatened suicide and self harm, mainly because he knew it would work on me. He never self harmed and knew that it meant something to me because I have in the past.

  He went behind my back and tried to borrow money off friends of ours for a "business prospect". 

  He would go through my phone and prevented me from using my computer. I wasn't allowed to upload videos or blog posts. He watched me delete friends on Facebook and my phone contact list if he didn't approve of them, just to be certain I did as he told me. He prevented me from seeing friends if it wasn't someone he approved of and I needed to send him photos of us together, doing what I had told him we'd be doing.

  I wasn't allowed to drink or go out with friends, unless I passed the screening process.
  I wasn't allowed to invite people over to our apartment.
  He would stay in the room with me while I was on the phone to my family who lived interstate.

  To say it in short, it was a relationship controlled by him. Everything on his terms. 

  The main things that I did wrong were to do with my laziness and mental illnesses. I had begun to see professional help and was encouraged to go and socialise more, which I finally wanted to do. It was like being married to a father figure, simply a child, forced to play inside and play by made up rules. 


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