Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Something Needs to Change

Last night I threw up on myself from drinking too much and eating nothing.

I had a friend help me shower and I don't know what Len was doing or if he cares.

I know I'm really just feeling down because I'm coming down from all the alcohol (9 standard drinks in max 3 hours) and he was probably only seeming snappy because he was really hung over himself.

This is not exactly an existence I enjoy, and it seems very stained with desperation and pain. As a kid I always wanted to be the girl that never stopped partying, and here she is, a drunken mess.

The alcohol of last night has made me paranoid and scared, a sprinkling of depressed and a whole lot of disgusted with myself.

I love Len, and I'm pretty sure he loves me too. I don't think he would have lied about that in words and I know he wouldn't lie about it in the things he does.

I still hate having to leave him and my possible friends made through him but I think it should be best for us to get our lives on track before we settle into a proper relationship. As I always say, if it's meant to be, it will be.

Right now the planet has told me I need to move on, I need to move on.
I love Len, he knows I love him, he's going to be busy with uni stuff anyway, I'm going to be busy with something, now just isn't the time for a relationship, when we're ready, we can always try again. I just hope he knows that and doesn't work his stuff out and go look for someone else to start a relationship with. Again, probably the alcohol talking. Or lack there of.
You know what I mean.

Now it's time for bed. Work tomorrow. 

No comments:

Post a Comment