Sunday, June 16, 2013

EDNOS Returns

For those who don't know, I suffer from EDNOS, which stands for Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified. I don't have enough typical symptoms of Anorexia Nervosa but still suffer from disordered eating and poor body image.

I go from binge to restrict. I was kind of close to free from my patterns but after a week of bad bingeing, I'm now falling back into my old habits.

The sad thing is, after feeling dreadful for putting on weight, I'm watching proana thinspos and the strange thing is, I'm feeling better knowing that I can cut down on my intake.

I'm getting really angry with a documentary that is trying to explain proana, but is completely biased and is just bullshit about "Anorexia Diets". Last I checked, Anorexia was a mental illness, not a diet. And I know for a fact you can eat an apple and some salad a day and not die. It's really not that little! 

The other thing is, this stupid fat bitch is going from her gross fat diet down to an apple and a cucumber. Nobody ever does that, normally it starts with a week of gradual restrict, getting rid of desserts, choosing skim milk instead of full cream, adding more exercise, swapping out luxury foods and then food bargaining (I can eat this if I do this and don't eat anything else today).

Anyway, I'm back on the ED bandwagon. For breakfast I had my porridge with skim milk, honey and cinnamon, a few blueberries and half a banana. Yes, I know that's a lot, but today I'm going to a park for a birthday. I'll have a few drinks and that will be probably all I have. And I'll try and run around.

My food fear is coming back. How am I going to avoid food? How can I say no when I'm around people? And this is really why Thinspos and Proana are so helpful. I just need to keep drinking things, today I'll be getting calories from most of my liquids, but tomorrow is another day off where I can just have green tea or water. 

Even after breakfast I feel so fat and bloated, I just want to go for a walk and loose weight.

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