Tuesday, September 3, 2013

The Indulgence of Self Harm

So with all that's going on with my chaotic family and my very near future, I am beginning to foresee my own self destruction when I start being a witness of my mothers relapse.
I can see this being a great way to cope with the stress of her existence and also a possibly successful way of getting her to wake the fuck up.
The only problem is that I won't be given that privilege. I'm not allowed to deal with it for me, I have to go into crisis mode and look after everybody else's pain. I'm not allowed to indulge in release and the sick coping mechanisms I've found to work in situations like these.
I can't run away, I have to stand and fight. For me and for others.
And the only thing I want is to curl in a ball and have someone fight for me.
Why was I given the burden of strength?
Surely it's someone else's turn to be strong?
Bizarre blessing in disguise. 

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