Sunday, October 9, 2016

If I Were Looking For A Partner

This is a bit of a bizarre post, but in the shower yesterday I was thinking of all the things I've learnt about myself through past relationships and all the things I am looking for in my next partner and our relationship.

One of the problems I had with my most recent relationship is a serious lack of communication. You've probably all heard it so this should come as no surprise: communication is key to a relationship! If you can't express your emotions, your feelings, your struggles, your good times - whatever, it won't work.
This should be true of everyone, but I think it's something especially important for me because without an open line of communication from my partner I often fall in to the trap of self blame and my own personal problems are exacerbated.

Also important for me is respect. Again, something all relationships should be based upon, but extra important for me because so often in the past I've been disrespected and left feeling worthless. I don't desire/crave/want/need sex. In fact I really don't think about it ever. I don't masturbate, I don't get aroused, it's not on my radar. Therefore I'm going to need someone who is able to respect my personal boundaries. I know I can be physically aroused by my partner because this was the case in my most recent relationship, but I need them to respect the fact that it may not be immediate. (Also important here would be patience).

I also need someone who understands my constant broadcasting of my life. Someone who also does YouTube or Twitch would be absolutely ideal, but at the end of the day someone who shares my constant need and will to work is necessary. I'm incredibly hard working, and this needs to be a trait I share with my partner.

At the end of the day I want an exclusive relationship with someone who can be my best friend and life partner in and out, including work and play.
Speaking of play, play is important! I can be incredibly goofy and childish sometimes, I love the arcade and I make everything into a game- I need someone who can play with me and still be well grounded enough to centre me when I get lost in the clouds.

As for my end of the deal, because a relationship is a 2 person game, I need to work on my neediness. I have to be able to keep myself occupied and entertained without them. I have trouble in relationships keeping myself from simply becoming "the girlfriend" because I like caring for others. I like to look after the people around me and I work really hard to make them happy. None of these are bad things, I simply need to be careful how much I invest emotionally. I don't want a relationship where a month in I'm in love and they're about to dump me, nor do I want a relationship where we BOTH fall in love a month in and start living together.
In fact, I don't want to move in with the person for at least a year. I want to take it slow. And the reason I want to take it slow is not just because I don't want to end up overly attached, but also because I want it to last a while. I want things to be special and for moments to be remembered.
I need to maintain my own personal space.
I don't want them on my social media.
I don't want to watch their content.
I'm not saying I don't want it to be public or anything, I simply don't want to see their posts because I get stuck in my head and it's not necessary.

I don't want someone needing or depending on me and I don't want to need or depend on them either.
I like my independence and I want them to value theirs too.
We should be encouraging each other in our own individual ventures, and joining on our combined interests and enjoyment.

And for the last part, I'm going to be vein.
I want them to be tall- forehead kisses are incredibly comforting.
I love strong shoulders and a wide back- it feels protecting.
I can't date anyone my age or younger- I'm far too mature for that, please have a few years on me.
Obviously I want them to be attractive, and I'd be lying if I said that I don't find masculine men attractive. I do like androgyny but for a relationship I need to feel delicate and feminine in contrast.
A little bit of quirk is important. No point staying inside the lines.

I don't really know what else to say, I don't think I'm really actively looking at this point, but I figured I'd talk about what I do/don't want so I can be clearer for when I am looking.

No comments:

Post a Comment