Today I'd like to take a change of pace to discuss something far less analytical and thought focussed, because, as you'll soon learn, I'm far too often stuck in that internal environment. That environment is the product of what I'll refer to here as masculine energy.
We all know masculine energy; it's going, doing, rushing, smashing, conquering, goal attainment, to-do lists, hustling. It's your type A personality. It's your trackers and your rise and grind mentality.
There is a very apparent need for masculine energy; without it we wouldn't get anything done. We'd be adrift in a space of sensuality without an ounce of urgency. However, both feminine and masculine energy are dose dependent poisons.
Spending all your time in thinking, analysing, output and productivity sucks the fun out of life. There's a frantic hastiness to living in this energy where no matter how fast you pedal through life you'll always be chasing your tail.
Embracing feminine energy is realising that life isn't meant to be a race. That this moment, right where you are, is beautiful as it is. That despite your trying, there is. It is smiling at the sky, breathing in the colours of life, dancing in your apartment on your own, taking time to really taste your food. It is the space between the thoughts. It is the acceptance of reality as opposed to the working for something different.
This is not to suggest embracing mediocrity and becoming complacent with life, it is simply admiring, appreciating, and giving thanks for what you already have and where you have come thus far.
It is the journey of life.
You don't need an extravagent self care routine or a tantric sex ritual. It doesn't take free bleeding or joining a coven and converting to wicca.
It can be as simple as walking a little slower.
It can be pausing a utilitarian walk to take a photo of something beautiful you see.
It can be sitting instead of standing.
It can be intentionally mono-tasking. (Side note, this is actually harder than it sounds).
Even just taking yourself out for a meal somewhere on your own and enjoying your own company. Taking in the atmosphere and knowing you're worth that bliss.
Embracing feminine energy is making space for the beauty of life to come through.
If the though of giving yourself to do whatever you want gives you major anxiety, it may be an indication that this is exactly what you need.
Give yourself the freedom to be, the space to play, the time to explore. Give yourself grace and compassion. Nurture your soul.
Release the deadline. Paint without the goal of becoming an artist. Do something, anything, just for the fun of it.
Let there be silence.
Give yourself kindness, softness, a gentle touch.
Utilising feminine energy is realising life isn't a competition and there's enough for everyone. It's laughing with your whole body, not worried about what someone will think. Leisure for leisure's sake.
Nobody would spoil the fun of a playground by telling a child it's exercise, would they?
So why do we sour the sweet essence of life just because we're adults?
Paradoxically, focussing too heavily on the masculine will lead to a dead stop in all productivity.
You set a million goals and make yourself a schedule down to 5 minute increments. You're determined, you're fired up, you're furious, and by 9am you're a couch potato with no awareness of what went wrong.
My struggle has been exactly this. A Sunday roles around and I'm fed up with failed attempts, wasted potential and stagnant self improvement. I commit myself to a week of lofty goals and scream at myself that this has to be the last straw. I set goals, make contingency plans, even go so far as to make consequences and rewards for failure or success.
I wish I could say I even keep up momentum for long enough to get burnt out, however that would be a gross misrepresentation of the truth.
I don't even try.
I never begin.
Unfortunately, I'm just hitting a wall of jadedness and dejection. Too apathetic to do a thing.
Why?
Because there's no pleasure in life.
I've lost the thrill of achievement.
I need to reinvigorate my soul.
When one of my workplaces decided they would no longer offer work on Saturdays, a dearly loved shift for it's alluring penalty rates and tantalising lack of supervision, I originally took the news with a heavy heart and figured I'd simply work a different job then instead.
Except instead of being inspired by the potential for improvement, being motivated by the thought of a nice change, I just felt downtrodden and defeated.
Do I really need to keep sacrificing weekends?
I guess I'd never considered that perhaps there was a small (or even large and growing larger) part of me that resented that I didn't get the day off.
It wasn't easy, but I decided that this would be my opportunity to experiment with a new approach. I was surprised that it wasn't an automatic and obvious decision to work Saturdays somewhere else, so I took this liberty to offer a gentler alternative.
I would take Saturdays off from working and commit myself to bringing a more feminine balance to my life.
And so begins my series of self-dates as documented in the vlogs.
This has been a new and challenging adventure, which I will continue to document, but so far has been enjoyable.
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