Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Relationship Advice

I have lots of people ask me for relationship advice. People saying they either can't get a partner, people saying the person they're interested in doesn't want a relationship, people saying their partner has said something hurtful and a whole bunch of other problems that they have with their partners or lack there of.

As much as I do understand that romance is a huge part of our society and our humanity, it isn't exactly a necessity. Yes, you may love a person outside yourself, but if they aren't treating you right, it's not worth it. What does loving them get you? Yes, it is a great feeling having someone to go through life with. Someone to share stories with, to get intimacy from, to feel loved. Someone by your side. But why aren't you by your side? Why can't you be the one to love you?

If you are entirely happy with your own company, you won't need someone to make you feel good.
And, as self contradicting as it seems, that is the only time you can really be ready for a relationship.

If you don't mind whether you share your life with someone else or not, then it won't matter if a person joins you or leaves you. 
It's also really attractive when a person is totally independent, almost like a tease. Something to chase after. A person who is totally in control of their own destiny. Someone driven to live for themselves, creating great stories, doing things. 

Would you ever want to spend time with someone that does absolutely nothing? Think of somebody that you find attractive; what do they do? What do they think of themselves? Are they the antisocial shadows of the group, or the ones that know how to hold their own in a conversation? 

Applying this in reverse is simple: live for yourself. The kinds of people you want in your life will follow. They'll want to know more about you, because they can see there must be something more than just the surface. They understand that spending time with you is going to require scheduling, working around you and your life and them and their life. And because of this the time will be so much sweeter. You will have spent a week of living your life and making stories to tell. You're giving them time to miss you.

And if they don't, doesn't matter. You haven't changed anything with your life, so just keep doing whatever it is that you're doing and the people that don't matter will fall away. 

The other thing you will notice is that by doing things to occupy your time you will find yourself meeting people, some people that might be perfect matches for your life pattern, and some that won't. You'll see other ways of life, different points of view and new social networks.

So don't be afraid to meet new people. Just keep on doing what you're doing and meet people along the way ;)

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