Release

Alcohol will always win.

I will always lose to alcohol.

I'm just not that good. I can't save people from it. I can't save people. I'm human.

It's not my responsibility to prevent people from making decisions that are harmful to them. I have the right to make my own decisions and I respect the agency of each individual to do the same for themselves. I am not a master over anyone, and I can only let people make their own decisions and do what I need to protect myself.

I also shouldn't need to compete with something or someone.

If a person chooses alcohol over me, then I can't stop them. It's only a reflection on their own choices. I am no less because of it.

I am worthy, I am deserving, and I can be loved. I don't need to fight for someone's love. In doing so I only show fear of loss. I have love, I don't need to work for it. It's mine. Abundance mindset only, please.

There is nothing wrong with a person who decides to self destruct. No matter what tool they use. I can't control them, I can't change their mind, I can't be there all the time to stop them. It's not my job to stop them. If they need or want my help, I need to trust that they will ask. If they don't, I can't blame myself.

I'm only human. This means I am not above any other person. I am far from perfect. I have hurt myself, I have hurt others in doing so, and I have hurt others.

I have looked my friend dead in the eye and lied. I am no better than a person with addiction. I have tried to hide my demons and I have used my demons for pity from others.

Sure, I'm working on my pitfalls every day, but that doesn't mean I have any more or less than anyone else. And it's not on me to tell another person that because they're struggling they aren't trying.

I don't need, nor do I have the right, to tell a person how to live their life.

I have played the high and mighty, I have cast judgement, I have tried to throw off the scent. I have scattered my fears and insecurities and hoped people didn't notice they were mine. I still point the finger.

I understand there is beauty in all things. I just want to be able to see it. Feel it. Experience it.

In the depths of my illness, I stole food to purge.

I let my illness take all of my life. I thought it made me invincible, more attractive, more desirable. Yet in reality I was hurting myself, more unsightly and harder to be around.

I am not better than any person.

Nobody is invulnerable to the shortcomings of mankind.

The hatred I've held in my heart is the same in any other person.

The dread, the enmity, the anguish. The human experience is universal. I am not without my flaws, and I am not above the flaws of another.

Your pain is mine. Your internal struggle is mine. There isn't a hierarchy of pains. Suffering is relative, but it's also ubiquitous.

I possess the ability to respond with compassion and self respect. I am able to alter how I react to any situation. I don't have to remain entangled in a painful situation unnecessarily. I can protect myself. If another person's actions hurt me, my pain is merely a response. They are not to blame for my pain, and their actions are their responsibility.

Addiction is an illness. An illness with no cure, few treatments, and the prevailing symptom is wanting to stay sick.

An illness surrounded by stigma and misunderstanding.

Harsh and lasting judgments are passed, cemented and forgotten. It's as if people aren't on the receiving end of our conviction.

No person is without flaws, and no person holds the right to assume they're above another.

Everyone deserves love, kindness and compassion.